CH. 120 - All for Him

“Hey hey! Kitaro~ Let’s go out!” A younger Hisana says, her young self just after they met in elementary school.

“No way! We’re too young for that!” The young Kitaro answers with a super embarrassed look.

“I’ll get you to love me eventually!” The young Hisana says with a big smile on her face. Time passes as they’re now just a little older in middle school.

“Kitarooo! Come on! So many others are already going out! Why don’t we??” She asks.

“Because I don’t wanna..!” Young Kitaro says with a slightly less embarrassed look as Hisana groans a bit before smiling.

“Don’t worry, you’ll love me eventually.” She says softly. Even more time passes and they’re a bit older now in early highschool.

“So, who was that girl you were talking to earlier?” Hisana asks with pursed lips.

“Does it matter?” Kitaro asks back with an unbothered tone. She checks him out before jumping on him with a hug.

“If it doesn’t, then let’s just get together!” She says happily.

“No way. You ask out everyone you see, you flirt.” Kitaro says coldly. Hisana pouts a bit at his response before a hint of sadness spreads across her face.

“Do you even love me at all?..” she asks in a subtle whisper.

“What?” Kitaro asks, only barely picking up on her saying something. Hisana then just smiles at him.

“Nothing. Let’s go out!”

“Nope.” He says coldly again as even more time passes until we are at present time where Hisana cries and whimpers standing in front of Kitaro.

“Why… don’t you love me too?..” She cries as Kitaro stares at her with an uncaring look before she suddenly wakes up in her bed, gasping and sitting up with a sweat.

“Kitaro…” She says softly as she tries to catch her breath. Her eyes soften as she stares ahead for a moment, regaining her composure. “That dream again…” She says softly as a subtly pained look crawls across her face.

A bit later, still early in the morning on this school day, Kitaro walks down the hall by himself with an anxious look.

‘I told the guys I need some time alone to talk to Hisana, but… what am I even gonna do?’ He thinks as the recent memory of Hikigaya and Haru smirking at him pops into his mind.

“Ohho~ don’t worry, main. We got you covered. You just do your thingy thing.” Haru teases as Hikigaya giggles.

Kitaro smirks to himself with a playfully annoyed look.

‘Those guys are so stupid… it’s not… well, I guess it is like that.’ He thinks as he lifts his hand and looks at the magenta themed card he holds. It reads ‘I’m sorry’ on the front. Kitaro looks nervous again as he opens the card.

“But what am gonna say?. I’m sorry, Hisana, for turning you down all these years but after I did some thinking, I’ve come to realize I… I love you.” He says as if practicing a line but then gets frustrated. “No, that’s basically what the card says… maybe I should let the card do the talking? No way. After what I’ve put her through, she deserves better.” He says to himself, looking at the card, when a student runs up to him, getting his attention.

“Hey, you’re Kitaro right?” The student asks. Kitaro looks surprised, lowering the card a little, before answering.

“Yeah. What’s up?” He asks.

“Cool, cool. Hey, so you’re, like, super close with Hisana right? I was wondering if maybe you could send her my way? I haven’t exactly lost my v-card yet and my friends won’t to stop making fun of me for it. I heard she’s super easy, so is that cool?” He asks casually as Kitaro stares at him with disbelief, not saying anything. The guy looks confused and sweats a bit. “Um.. You didn’t need her tonight, did you? I imagine that’s why you keep her around. Must be nice having a booty call whenever you want. And she’s such a hottie too. Anyway, I’m gonna go but give her my number, yeah?” The student says before setting off back down the hall.

Kitaro just stares for a moment before slowly looking down at his hand. He stares as a piece of paper with the guy’s number on it sits on top of the card he made for Hisana. He stares at it with wide eyes and an expression conveying blank confusion, overwhelmed with thoughts, unable to form a single one. After a moment, his eyelids drop a little before the sound of paper being crumpled in his fist is heard and he walks off to class.

Hisana makes her way to class with a sad look before stopping and slapping herself on the face softly with both hands. She then shakes it out and puts on a big smile. She steps inside her class and sees Kitaro standing by his desk, going through his bag. She smiles before running to him.

“Kitaro~ Good morning!-” She goes to hug him but before she can, he steps back from her, stunning her as she looks at him confused. “Kitaro..? Is.. everything okay?” She asks as the others look their way, confused as well. Kitaro looks unsure before sitting at his desk.

“Yeah.. sure.” He says, looking away from her. She looks concerned before slowly going to her seat and sitting down, hanging her head a bit.

“This doesn’t look good…” Lucy says softly to Alice, who nods a bit. Haru and Hikigaya look at each other with worried looks, unsure of what could have happened. Later, at lunch, the group sits together and talks as Kitaro and Hisana sit in silence. Hisana doesn’t eat because she’s too nervous and anxious before suddenly Kitaro speaks up.

“Is it true?” He asks. She looks at him confused as he stares at the lunch table.

“What?” She asks softly. Kitaro looks a bit hurt and frustrated.

“Earlier today, some guy told me something. I just want to know if it’s true.” He says with a sarcastically casual attitude. Hisana looks confused and unsure of how to answer.

“I don’t… understand..” She says softly. Kitaro gets more frustrated as he looks at her with a mean look.

“He told me you were ‘easy’. Is that true? Does it turn out that you like something else just as much as food?” He asks aggressively forward. The others stop and start looking at them. Hisana finally understands what he means and gets a sad look.

“Why would you think that?..” she asks, fidgeting with her sweater sleeves a bit.

“Why would he say that if it wasn’t true? He said you by name. I’m just trying to get a better understanding of my friend and what it is she likes to do.” He says, waving his hand at her. Hearing him call her just a friend strikes a nerve in her soul, causing her to get a hurt and even somewhat upset look.

“I’m.. not..” she tries to say before Kitaro sighs frustratedly.

“I mean, I knew you were a flirt, but I never thought you’d take it that far. Turns out you know a lot more than you let on, huh? Guess I was right to stay away from you.” He says harshly while looking away. The others hear this and are stunned.

“Kitaro!” Suiyoubi shouts. Hisana stares at him for a moment before getting an angry look and standing up.

“I did it all for you! Everything I do is for you! All the names, all the rumors, it was all for you!” She shouts as he looks away. She stares at him for a moment more before huffing and walking away angrily, leaving them. The others watch her leave as Lucy and Suiyoubi rush after her.

“Hisana, wait!” Suiyoubi calls out as they go. Kitaro just sits there when Touma approaches him. Kitaro looks at him with an annoyed look before scoffing a little. Suddenly, Touma punches Kitaro in the face, sending him tumbling to the ground. Hikigaya winces a bit as he shakes his head with a slight smirk.

“That’s what happens.” he says under his breath. Kitaro grunts before sitting up, holding his face.

“The fuck is your problem? You know you’re not averagely strong, right?" Kitaro asks sarcastically as he glares at Touma. Touma then grabs Kitaro by the collar and lifts him off the ground.

“If I wanted to hurt you, you’d be hurt.” He says with a deep tone. Kitaro grits his teeth at him before noticing the look in Touma’s eyes. They are soft and more concerned than anything. Touma puts him down as Kitaro rubs his face. “Why did you say that?” He asks softly. Kitaro looks away with an upset look.

“Why don’t you go ask Hisana? I’m sure she’d be thrilled to explain it all in very intimate detail…” Kitaro mumbles.

“What is your issue?” Shiori asks angrily, approaching them. “You’re telling me this is the first time you’re hearing about Hisana?” Shiori asks. Kitaro looks a little confused but knows what she’s talking about. “We’ve all heard the rumors. We’ve even seen people ask her about it, and each time she turns them down.” Shiori explains.

“You really think that low of her? That’s cold, main.” Haru says, shaking his head. Kitaro looks at them with a confused and upset look.

“I don’t…” he says softly.

“Look, we don’t know why or how these rumors started, but all we know is they’re only that. While you selfishly express how you feel about them, just think about how they make her feel. You think she enjoys having people call her a slut or other mean things every time she turns them down?” Sugawara asks with an upset attitude to him. As he says this, Hisana sobs in her hands with Suiyoubi and Lucy crouching next to her, holding her gently. Kitaro lowers his head a bit.

“I’m… sorry…” he whispers.

“Don’t say that to us.” Alice says as Kitaro looks back in the direction Hisana left.

A little later, as Hisana grabs her things from her locker with a sad look, she notices a folded piece of paper tucked into the door. She opens and reads it.

‘I’m sorry. Can we talk? Tomorrow, behind the school by the tree. - Kitaro’

She squints her eyes a bit before putting the paper in her bag and walking away.

The next day, Kitaro stands there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets, nervously waiting for Hisana. He checks the time on his phone and sweats a bit when he realizes it’s getting pretty late. He gets a sad look as he droops a bit.

“I don’t blame her for not coming…” He says softly before turning and walking away but as he does, he notices Hisana standing there, staring at him. His face lights up a bit as he steps toward her.

“Hisana.” He says with a gentle smile. As he steps, she steps back, keeping the distance between them. Kitaro’s bright look fades a bit at her reaction. She looks upset and nervous as she holds herself tightly. 

“Kitaro… What?.. Why did you?..” She struggles to find the words as Kitaro looks her.

“Hisana, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just being… I was just being a jerk.” He says softly. She looks at him, a little angry and upset with him, but more hurt. “What I said was wrong on so many levels. The guys explained to me what really happened.. I was just being selfish and mean, and I promise to never say that again. I just… don’t want to lose my bestfriend.” He says softly. Hisana gets an even more upset look at his words. Kitaro notices her body language and gets nervous. “I-I promise I’ll make it up to you! We can go back to the way we were-” he says when Hisana’s eyes widen and she cuts him off.

“N-No!” she stutters out nervously. He is surprised at her reaction as she stares at him. “I… I don’t want that, Kitaro…” She says nervously. Kitaro gets a worried look.

‘Please… I don’t want to lose my friend over such stupid words.’ He thinks about them growing up together and all the times she’d annoy him and hug him and hang around him. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without her…’ he thinks. Hisana looks at him, a glint of determination in her eyes despite her anxious demeanor.

“I don’t want things to stay the same… Kitaro, I don’t… I don’t understand…” she says softly as Kitaro stares at her, unsure of what to say. Her eyes start to glisten as her emotion builds up. “You’ve known how much I love you since the day we met… I’ve asked you out time and time again and every time you turn me down… Why?..” she asks softly. Kitaro relaxes just a bit despite the situation, feeling relieved she isn’t just shutting him out, but he is still unsure of what to say.

“I.. I’ve said before. I see you flirting with everyone cute you meet, I just.. don’t think you really like me… I mean, I’m not that attractive, I’m not smart or cool, I just play games all the time so-” Kitaro begins to explain when Hisana looks frustrated at his words.

“That’s not what I mean..!” She gets out, confusing Kitaro even more. “I mean, why? Why is that every time I look at you, every time our eyes meet, you look as if you never want me to leave? Every time we touch, I feel as though you want more. I’ve tried to change how I feel, I’ve tried to leave you alone like you’ve asked but every time I look at you, I can’t help but feel we’re in love… Why do I feel this way?.. Why… don’t you love me too?..” she asks weakly as tears begin rolling down her face, speaking her soul to him. She begins to whimper and cry as Kitaro watches her, stunned by her words.

“Hi..Hisana?..” He watches as Hisana cries, her fists clenched and eyes squinting.

“I just don’t get it… Everything I do is for you… I only did what you asked me to… No matter how hard it got… no matter how much it made me hate myself… I did it for you…” Hisana admits. Kitaro stares at her, confused and concerned, as she whimpers in front of him. 

“You did… what I asked?..” He repeats, confused by her words. He thinks about her words for a moment before his eyes widen. “Back then… in fifth grade…” He looks at her as she cries before rushing to her and wrapping his arms around her. “No, no Hisana! I didn’t mean-” He tries to take it back as she shutters and whimpers in his arms, the weight of his actions hitting him all at once. He trembles a bit as his grip tightens on her, sadness forming on his face. 

“It’s all my fault…” he says softly as Hisana’s crying slowly stops. “Hisana… I’ve always loved you…” He says. Her eyes widen as he speaks, holding her close to his chest. “From the moment we met, I knew I loved you… You were so cute and bright, I couldn’t do anything else… but that’s what scared me.” He confesses as they pull apart a bit. Hisana stares at him with a surprised look as Kitaro looks away awkwardly.

“You’re so much more attractive than I am and everyone wants to be with you. I’m just scared you’ll finally realize how lame I am and just… replace me… Maybe every time I turned you down it was really to spare me the pain… not you…” He admits with an embarrassed and ashamed look. Hisana stares at him as he sighs softly, pulling something from his pocket. “And in case you don’t believe me, I wrote you this…” he says, showing her the card he wrote for her still in perfect condition. She looks at it, taking it gently before speaking softly.

“You… wrote this?. With like pen and paper?.” She asks in almost a whisper. Kitaro blushes as he looks to the side.

“Yes, that’s how writing works..” He says, embarrassed and flustered. Hisana looks at it, reading the inside of the card before a big grin spreads across her face.

“Kitaro, you big dummy! Who else would take care of me the way you do?” She shouts with her arm up, bapping him on the shoulder. He looks at her a little surprised and a little concerned. 

“You’re… not mad? About what I said?” He asks. Hisana shakes her head.

“It hurt the same as all those rumors, but… if you love me too… then there’s nothing that can hurt me anymore!” She says with a big smile. Kitaro blushes intensely, looking at Hisana, whose eyes are tired and worn from her tears, nose is slightly runny and cheeks are red from crying, yet the smile on her face is so pure and true. Kitaro lifts his head a bit and looks at her with a confident but still embarrassed look.

“I do… I’m in love with you, Hisana!” He says out loud as she smiles at him warmly. They stare at each other for a moment before Hisana gets an excited look.

“Does that mean we can finally get married??” She asks excitedly as Kitaro droops from her question.

“And back to normal, just like that…” he mutters. He smirks a bit before patting her on the head. “Nope. Not yet. We’re still in highschool, dummy.” He says happily. She smiles at him as he lowers his hand and smiles back. “But… one day we will…” He says softly with a loving smile before walking past her back into the school. Before he can get a step away, Hisana tugs on his sleeve, still standing in place. He looks back confused as she looks down with an embarrassed and shy look.

“Aren’t you… forgetting something?” She asks softly as Kitaro looks at her. He blushes as he realizes what she wants before stepping towards her and taking her hand. Nervously, they lean in close, slowly, as they close their eyes. In a moment, they press their lips together in a warm kiss, covered in dried tears and intense emotions. Hisana bathes in his scent and touch as her longing for the past eight years is finally met. After a moment, they pull away as Kitaro gives her a concerned and slightly unsure look.

“You okay?” He asks. She smiles a smile as if drunk before her knees buckle and she collapses, but Kitaro quickly catches her with a shocked look. “Woah! You okay??” he asks again, more frantically. Hisana sighs in relief.

“It’s so much better than I dreamed it would be.” She says with a goofy look as Kitaro sighs in relief. He helps her stand up before taking her hand.

“Come on, let’s go home.” He says, leading her away. Hisana nods happily.

“Yes, please…” she says with a blushing, timid look behind her arm sleeve before smiling brightly and raising her hand into the air. “boyfriend!” She practically shouts with a bright smile as Kitaro smiles back.